Sunday 17 February 2013

tv series

could she not settle down with one of these guyssssss ....


brandishing those hats
don't you realise how lucky you are young lady ...
Im the mummy Im in charge ...

to have and to hold 


( him out loud ) oh shit what the fuck am I doing ...
help Im drowwwwwning ...

well thanks very mooch you feel trapped you ... how dyou think i feel about the interrogations ... Jerry do you know ... 
to love honour and obey
ahhhhh

eh ang on an minute what do youuu meeeean ob-eh ...
obey im do yous have any idea what he dooos
its difficult enooof standing ooop to the cooont as it is ...

( liverpuddlian )

obey im ourra here
ill see youuu later in the pub ...

obey ...

she stomps off 


a series of about 12 programmes trying to get her through the wedding ... again ... what with the objections from their various ex partners and stuff ...
people raising legal issues ...





12 weddings and a... bahmitzvah ?


12.02.13. 4.49am © Lizarikk, All Rights Reserved


Sunday, 17 February 2013
15.13

I do ... 

ok but how do you really feel though ... 

I feel like fucking shit 

well having spent a million pounds on ornaments you may as well fork out another fifty to sit down with the Reverend Springer here ... 

clapperboard

in front of the congregation why not ... 

**********

voice from the back 

ere Rev ... I'm not too sure about this myself cus if his mates get together with her mates theres gonna be a right ole rook on the green ... 


19.02.13. ,, 13.30

and they never apollygised for what they said to my auntie Connie back in the 80s 

complacent um face 

***********

22.02.13.  

4.30pm

oh I get it the reverend is Tracey Cox ... 















do sit dowen 

orkay so do ya have any wee doubts as the last minute Mr Um ... 




************


19.12

a week long ordeal set in an old torture dungeon with lie detectors and various other tests 


























21.41

now apparently on 12 december you had a wank about Angela Merkel and one about David Cameron

 ... you do realise this is a treasonable offence ... 









23.41

reverend Cox ... 

weel ai have a few queries mesel sooo Im surgerstin a 6 month taimporay 

arraingmen and thane we's can all dos this againe 

if yous would laike to saigne hirrrr Ms Em ...      




**************

00.25   23.02.13

you waaaa 

yous ll be married for 6 mooonths 

so what is and isn't appropriate in a church 


*************

1.30 am 

and a bouquet of slugs nails and puppy dog tails  


*************

13.58   23.02.13. 

actually I wannit sorted 



yes but Mistrrr Um I told yous she's really crap at housewerk ... 

what are you saying you won't shag a unless

she saigns ... 

**********************




14.23

i mean its like 
a bush tucker trial 
when you find the mattress
is stuffed with toenails and old hair ... 

and there is actual human remains from 
incidents of house arrest ... 

flesh eating crawlies 
amplified issue trips ...

and food that is barely edible 

crickets (in a variety of forms, such as cooked into biscuits, blended into drinks or eaten alive or dead), green ants, mealworms, witchetty grub, roasted spider or tarantulas, kangaroo penis

cockroach (prepared in various ways such as being cooked into biscuits, blended into drinks, eaten alive or dead). Other foods include bleach worms, bull's tongues, the anus of various animals, vomit fruits, cooked pigs' brains, various animal testicles, raw fish eyes, sheep eyes, blended rats or mice tails 

perform activities to gain stars. These can include searching through dung, going through tunnels, negotiating obstacles on high wires

 the show had breached Rules of the Broadcasting Code for airing bad language

There is nothing bad in there. They're hoodwinking the public

RSPCA Australia complained over their killing and eating of a rat during the show




**************

4pm 

we've gort a preeeeview drooog you can traie ... its call waidinn trip 




18.58





















cat birdler !


orlright yer on ... oi peeps less get the bevvies in 







*************

13.05

24.02.13. 

hello my names Mrs Em you see Ive got this thinky thing i really didn't want to get into its my droblem ... 




20.17

me mooother in laws naice tho .. . even lives with ooos and never gets in the way ... 


*************

11am   25.02.13. 

when he finds me I'm gonna get strangled 

and all Ive doon is imagine i were soomwere else 

you know and he's like totally furious and not speaking to me 

and that 

*********

so I says orkay Ill put my real thorts in this urn in the garden 

and your not allowed to look in there 








************

13.43

and then of course the meerkat from my previous marriage went into the urn 

took out some of the thorts 

and layed them out on the grass like a path ...  


**********

course he scrambled over the eggs

and fell head first into the urn 

hurting his head 

and he had no idea what the messages meant ... 

**********

and I think I found another sim card ... 

*********


15.13

i do talk about food ...
i also did not say who i was talking about
and described the issue as my own problem ...

surely thats the point of going to these things ...
maybe actually your upset about the issue itself ...
or something else nothing to do with it 

********

and I also said that there are things of my own that i need to be looking at
see this is why i suggested we get married for a trial period ...

********

i also feel really hungry and have lost so much weight that my tits have practically disappeared 













************

5pm 

wha I'm so lucky I'm not allowed to speak me mainde ... if i gotta say someing

im gonna fookin say it orlright ...

***********

why don't we just review it every day like what else we gonna do





*************

4pm 26.02.13. 



I sort of felt like I should be allowed to say it even if its wrong 

there was no need to do your nut ... 








**************

23.56


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pEmnoAXynbA 


April foooowel ! 



***********************

um i thort that was the surprise 

well i thort thats what you said 

or what you're going to say or um thing 

you said something  ... I ... 

no I didn't mean ... shit I'm so scared ... 

I do love you  ... 



***************



Saturday, 23 February 2013
14.43

jail swerves
sawn off shot gun 

what happens 
if you declare your 
marriage open you know
like people that go to fashion 
swaps does that make them feel better 

just sayin like ... 


***************

20.18 


I was exploring that in confidence and you've responded 

with a load of abuse ... you're just like all the others ... 

*********

I think also this morning you said there 

was going to be an election ... 

which is what i meant by the April fool innit 




***********

22.28

owww thankyou Scarey thats charming ... 

looks like another one of those 6 month merry go round thingeys 

watchamacallit 

xxx

killer bunch of flowers I'm afraid peeps 






**************

13.26

28.02.13. 

nah mate  you don't gets the maths ... I'm going back on the Super Bowl ... 

one of the worlds shortest one month mini marriages 











**********

00.20   1.02.13. 



no is see sawed again he was just playing me  

not that i appreciate other peoples interference mind what is their fucking prolbme   

****************************



00.01

keep peole informed scare ?
but surely that is the problem
time scale ? beforehand ?
surely fact checking doesnt work in the circumstances i thought we had a thing
wants the big hurry anyway

I don't see how I'm stupposet to make things clear of have a proper conversation with little junior perverts in the room for one thing

you are a bit thick .... dense even maybe its the alcohol and i will go on about it because you told me not to


00.38

like i said none of yous understand the maths
relapse ish slippery gateway ish ....

thud

and that was how you first seemed to me pissed
and then recently very un pissed but you can be very pissed and very un pissed
its a bit of a mess
i wanst having a thing with alfred if thats what you mean i was just being sociable
you know mingling and stuff
either you ming or you mingle

*************

surely id be stupid to put all my chickens in one egg at this point

***********

john is not affected by that trick



**************



1.04am 2.03.13 

this is weird its like Loz is maybe taking Chuckys place as the boss ...

its like i seem to have to have a  boss figure that is not my boyfriend ...

is a response to the occult i think ...

can i put things in the correct boxes no definitely not ...

not unless someone can cure my box muddling  addiction

i mean with relatives like mine about you definitely do not want things to be in the correct box ....

*************

you know and i really have died this time ...

*************

Scare did you get the Coltrane thing ... 

*************

2.03.13. 




you know and just as well
his mother was there after all the mess 
we made with those fights 

and Im like I should have never married him he's really stupid ... 



****************

11pm 

and he's like shouty wearing just underpants

can't you just say what you mean 

for a change you old nag ...

and Im like slamming out ... 





****************

2.02am 3.03.13. 

if you really loves me you wouldn't keep threatening 

to feed me to your ex wife ... same thing 

happened to Loz he went on and on about it 

and eventually they forced him to do it 





*************



14.14 3.03.13.


i think that might be dead scare now you're just like all the ohtersi get sexually assaulted and come in and find you're enjoying it ...

you don't get the maths scare i don't use films of you in your bedroom that you have said not to use doh ...

im not sure i feel anything for you any more now

I'm thinking about going back to Loz actually he's more fun with the Super Bowl thin ... and less childish

also i don't mind people drinking if they don't have a drink problem doh ...
he's probably more sober than you even though he drinks

and how am i having to explain these things to people that do poker and football is really baffling
so who gave the vacant plastic little trollope my film

my aunt ? she's hoping to have more grandchildren is she ... 

running you down not really just being shouty on the internet 







***********

2.51am 5.03.13. 

and you're considering going back to that little trollope 

that just assaulted me ... 


**************

23.24






*************

19.51      7.03.13. 

I feel so betrayed Ive gone to sleep in my car for a few days ... 

those films ... 

thing is Scarey these slappers can read me alot better than you can ... 


***********

21.36

yes but it involves using films of me something 

I won't be able to produce any more ... 

and how would I know if you were talking about me 

there isn't a box marked Liz anywhere ... 


*************

00.14

you know what and usually i can tell when something 

is for me from the vibes but today I'm not quite so sure 

maybe because she watched me live you know 

and I don't want her ... 

and why ... its like ok lets have a soccer match and i will kick the ball for her ... 

and do all her moves for her while she sits there taking the piss ... 

and you know what i reckon people that can't play soccer 

make a good football ... 

**********

8.03.13. 

all very science fiction 

like can't we meet some real people any more that are not cloning 


**************


2.41am 

and then he betrays me with an abusive doctor 

that works in my local practice  ... 

that has access to my files and stuff 


******** 

you know and this one was extra special i thought 

was going to be one of my top three greatest passions ... 



***********


15.03   14.03.13. 



I don't bother reading pissed twitters ... 






*************

00.29am 25.03.13. 

whats that get 

married impalded on crucifixes ha ha ha 





 © Lizarikk, All Rights Reserved





**************

13.02    9.04.13. 


and officers have made you masturbate before them 
and will you have a ritual wank at the alter 
before the reverend 

and would you still want this person 
if they were paralysed from the neck down 

after you have both been tortured 
and forced to watch each other having sex with other people 


*************


6 Oct 2011, 9:37PM
hello

thanks to everyone who helped to compile this:

do you take this 
fucked up individual
to share in all the crap
that life has to offer
knowing that they
will make your 
life a living hell

in disabiility and in hotness

in benefits and in offshore investments

till growth or shrinkage do us part

do you want to change your mind
at the last minute?

anyone speak now or forever
hold their ****?

let no man put asunder what tantric paganism hath **********

Amen


(by the way this is not about me. Things are alot worse aye tell ya)






*************

1.39am    10.04.13. 

you will now both read out your dissertations 

on marriage as a form of employment ... 


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p4309ZROZ3c









***************

18.34    17.04.13. 

actually it was a serious question ... would you do plastic 

surgery on the person before or after you 

married them ... 















Monday, 15 April 2013
21.09

why don't we just 
stop beating around the bush and do a 
song called my boyfriend had a wank about another girl ... 





18.49


or that we might end up taking the piss
out of him ...

i spend alot of time
worrying that my boyfriend 
might cheat on me ... or indeed whether i might cheat on him ... 




***********


i mean ill be doing 
cyber sex with some guy 
that takes the piss out of my husband 
and that will turn me on you know and some of 
your toys are better in bed than the person you are in love with ... 


***********

how did i manage to flirt with your best friend 
cus we were like playing spin the bottle 

or sometimes i just don't 
see that any of this is real ... and thats the last time i ever say your name ... 

Richard ... 

**************

23.30    18.04.13. 

i hurt ... 

so do  you think i take the piss then ... 
i don't talk to girls no cus they just bitch all the time 
and want to look up my skirt ... 

Scarey i miss you ... just aren't we on one of those merry go round things 

you know its like as soon as i open my heart the other person runs away ... 
as if they just wanted something ... 

and why would you want to take the piss of me like that 

an i feel lonely and miss my scary friend 

gues the devil got the best lines isn't it 


***********

Scarey are you sure I'm not just a mother substitute ... 

i mean he might be a complete arsehole for all i know jus
theres no point keep starting new things 




**************

19.04.13. 


oh ... you're saying you were not taking the piss of me 
and its rhubarb 

um you did before yeah that might have blossomed ... just something 
happened to me  ... 

it was like a car crash and the metal going through my heart 
maybe nothing to do with you 


you know that feeling when you're caught between the 

carriages they are crushing you 


****************

13.27   21.04.13. 

and sometimes a person will start 
to eclipse my husband 
you know and I'm struggling to avoid him ... 

21.06 


is also one reason for the delays 

************

22.04.13. 00.20 

and then i see him lighting up and think its 
not fair i want cake now and etc ... 



1.27am   22.04.13. 



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ijDsMdRFlIw






***************

1.40am 24.04.13. 

were having a trial separation because Scarey has some issues 

that i feel he needs to look at without my 

being his therapist ... 

which i have told him about and am not supposed to keep repeating ... 


***********

nb i should also note that i have not committed myself to anyone else 

at this point in time if i appear to have done so 

in any way it is purely fictional and also because i can't 

hide my drafts ... 

************
*******************

2.54am 

Scarey just warned me of something really important 

which kind of shows he cares ... 

and apparently he wanted me to spend more time with him 

which i didnt get at all ... 

i think its like difficult to spend time with you with always 

other people around isn't it 

its not you its I'm trying not to get into those fights and stuff ... 

what i could do is look at Twitter more often 

and i do very very love you Scarey 


**************

24.04.13. 

my mum used to say performers tend to split up 

alot cus they grow and change in 

different ways 


******************

25.04.13.     8.04.13. 




you could always adopt the person instead of marrying them 



*************

26.04.13.   21.41

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ePNCqw11CD4




22.27

i dared myself to trust him 

an i dared myself to leave him to see if we got back togevva

an then i dared myself 2 stay on da bus ... 


***************

27.04.13.  00.32am 

or does two plus two equal four 


*************


28.04.13. 











































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































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